


palm kisses and movie nights

by stardating



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, Body Dysmorphia, Cuddling, M/M, Nail Biting, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, manicures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:41:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24710230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardating/pseuds/stardating
Summary: Sometimes, he could look at his hands and be alright with them. Other times, he could look at his entire self and want to turn away.Smol Steve Appreciation Bingo 2020: Body Dysmorphia
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47
Collections: POTS (18+) Smol Steve Appreciation Bingo





	palm kisses and movie nights

**Author's Note:**

> Another fill for the Smol Steve Bingo! I hope you enjoy this one. Dealing with anxiety is never easy, so for those of you who have it in any shape or form, hang in there!

“Hey,” Tony said softly.

Steve looked up from his book to see Tony stepping inside his apartment with a bag on his shoulder. “Hey. You got here quick.”

Tony chuckled softly. “I caught a break in traffic.”

“You live two floors down.”

“What can I say? I managed to duck Mrs. O’Leary.”

Steve laughed and carefully put his bookmark inside his book before setting it on the end table, lining it up with the corner of the table, just so.

“She does like to chat a lot.”

Getting up, Steve went to the kitchen and fired up the coffee machine with the beans he had ground himself earlier that morning. Tony was there a moment later, hugging him from behind, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Steve leaned back into him and enjoyed his body heat, the soft, quiet moment. It was moments like these he loved committing to memory the most.

“So, did you think about what color you wanted?”

Steve nodded and distractedly smoothed his pants, pleased that there weren’t any pills on them. He hated having to drag out the little motorized fabric shaver: its sound was annoying and its cartage to capture shaved off lint was too small, but it was the only one that worked well enough.

He took in a deep breath before answering.

“If we could go for clear this time?”

“Sure. We can do that.”

Going back to the living room, Steve sat down on the couch. Tony pulled up an ottoman in front of his chair. Steve was silently thankful how Tony picked it up and set it down, rather than dragged it over the floor rug. Of course, Tony was always considerate like that. So few people noticed the little things he did for those around him. Then again, it was always easier to ignore the more important things for the flashy, grand gestures.

Opening his briefcase on the coffee table, Tony brought out all the tools needed for a home manicure: nail polish remover, clippers, files, lotions, hand scrubs, and more. The quality was pretty close to the top and Steve knew he made sure everything was vegan, cruelty-free, and anything else that would remove any of Steve’s anxieties. Tony quickly and efficiently set up his workplace, getting a bowl of warm water, and plenty of towels.

Steve held out his hands and let Tony get to work.

As he started removing the previous finger nail polish, Steve felt his shoulders relax.

His therapist said the condition was called ‘body dysmorphia’. When he first heard it, Steve didn’t know what he was talking about, but it slowly made sense: how he was so critical about his appearance, the anxiety he had about his weight … His various medical conditions didn’t help, but now that he actually had decent medical insurance, he was getting some of those addressed. Hopefully, within a few more months, he would be better at managing the symptoms and recognizing his triggers.

Of course, like with the manicures, he had Tony to thank for that.

Helping him find a better job, arguing with the insurance companies a few times for him, and by giving the best cuddles …

Sure, they first met because they crashed into one another in a coffee shop and got into a heated argument about anything and everything except the spilled coffee, but he would never regret it.

The scent of chamomile started to rise. Tony smiled as he continued to massage Steve’s hands. This week, there were a lot less cuts from biting and picking at his cuticles. His joints popped a little bit, but that was typical. He had some extra assignments this week, but he enjoyed the work. It was a series for the national parks and he got to take a vintage direction with it.

“Thank you again,” Steve said.

Tony smiled. “Anything for you, darling.”

Letting out a content sigh, Steve closed his eyes and let Tony take care of his hands. It was a weekly ritual supported by his therapist, especially because nail biting was the worst manifestation of his anxiety. There were times he bit his nails to the quick, causing his fingers to bleed. As an artist, he depended upon his hands, but sometimes—

Sometimes he would look in the mirror and see nothing but skin and bones, weak lungs, and pale skin that could never hold a tan.

It was hard, knowing what he looked like and knowing what society idealized. He studied art, he made it. He knew that he looked nothing like the models in magazines or even the famous stars of classic Hollywood, or even the people on young adult romance novels. He also knew that beauty came in many forms: a campfire, a summer storm, a sunlit meadow. What mass media pushed as the standard was just a small fraction of the beauty a person could possess. Even someone who might be conventionally ‘ugly’ could rival a beauty pageant queen.

He was brought out of his thoughts when Tony kissed his knuckles after patting them dry with a towel.

“I love you,” Steve said.

Tony smiled brightly, brilliantly. Steve had sketchbooks filled with sketches of Tony. Soon, he would be attempting canvas. “Love you too.”

After that, it was a matter of applying various coats and letting them dry, which they made more bearable by watching something random on Netflix and cuddling. This time, they were binge watching Chinese dramas. The mythology was interesting, as was their use of special effects. Under the blankets, tucked up against Tony’s side, everything was warm, soft, and safe.

“We should find some Jackie Chan movies,” Steve suggested.

“Oh, the older ones,” Tony added, grinning. “Maybe Jet Li too.”

“Yeah.”

Steve wiggled his fingers an episode later, gently tapping on his nails to see if the polish was still tacky. In the light, his nails shimmered slightly, the nails filed and buffed to a soft round shape. As always, Tony did a wonderful job.

“Sure your calling is inventing?” he asked. “And not cosmetology?”

Tony made a noise and stuck out his tongue. “I am a master of many talents.”

Steve laughed and loudly kissed his cheek.

Tony caught his hand and kissed his palm.

“Want to tell me about your latest project? Apparently you bugged Bucky for all of his pictures out at … where was it? Zion? Yellowstone?”

“Yellowstone,” Steve confirmed, launching into a vivid description about colors and textures.

He knew that it would take a lot of work and quite some time to overcome his insecurities, but he knew that he could do it. He was getting better.


End file.
